also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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