She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm too high and old for this...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
