If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
