I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
