Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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