You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
