I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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