My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
