he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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