I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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