hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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