I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
