im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
