for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize