Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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