Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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