My nipple is on Facebook.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
