Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
