can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
