Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
