Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
