Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
