He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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