playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
