i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
