Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
