she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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