i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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