i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I had to cum in my sink.
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