I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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