He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
