Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
