Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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