you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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