if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Non-Jews are for practice
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You need a sexual gate keeper
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
