I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
