Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
