WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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