I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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