Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
