Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
