Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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