i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
