no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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