i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
