As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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