I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
