Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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