I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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