You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
