someone get that fucking seahorse.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
