I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
