you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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