ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
