I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
