Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
