im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize