Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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