Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
