somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
