I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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