How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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