I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize