The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
