Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize