You work out of a Hotel?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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