its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You're a waste of cheezeits
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
